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Man on the Run

Andrea has done a wonderful job of communicating what the Lord has been doing in us and through us. It has been incredible, especially in the past several months! If you haven’t checked out those posts, I encourage you to do so!

Towards the end of Luke 18, Jesus very plainly tells his disciples what is going to happen: “We’re going to Jerusalem, I’m going to be betrayed and handed over to the people. They will mock, insult, abuse and flog me. After that, they will kill me, but in three days, I will rise again.” JESUS COULD NOT HAVE BEEN CLEARER. But the very next verse says, “The disciples didn’t have a clue what he was saying, for his words were a mystery that was hidden from them.”

This is going to be a personal and transparent post from me and I hope the Lord speaks to you through it. I’ve come to a few revelations lately – not particularly new revelations, but ones I’ve finally decided to listen to. Have you ever had those moments? The ones where God has been speaking to you rather repeatedly and persistently but you just don’t understand because… well, it could be for lots of reasons. For me, it was because I chose not to believe the revelation was really for me.

I don’t know that the Lord’s words were hidden from me, but I do know I didn’t want to believe them. Let me share with you a little story:

During college I began working at a small church as the youth leader and then the associate pastor. It was an amazing season, with so much fruit and so many challenges. But I was living the purpose for which I was made. There was no Plan B for me, ministry is what I was made for. But, as they say, “All good things…” And in what seemed a dramatic turnaround, the pastor closed each door of ministry that was bearing so much fruit. Through manipulation and betrayal, it came down to a singular ultimatum: resign or be fired. And so, I resigned, not really even understanding a little bit of what had happened.

I was deeply wounded, clueless as to how badly and had no idea how to process or heal from it. Within a week, Andrea and I were married. Such timing! There were so many choices I could have made and I made one. I very clearly – maybe even out loud – said, “God if this is what full-time ministry is like, I want N.O.T.H.I.N.G. to do with it! So, I’ll be around, if You need me, You let me know.” If you’ve never said that to God, please don’t. After that, I waited for a call from God and went about trying to make a Plan B with my lovely new wife. But I took my receiver off the hook in case God tried to call and used the next twenty years to figure out that my Plan B was simple catastrophe.

I was on the run. I still believed in God and we still went to church, served in various capacities over the years – even in leadership. We found ministries, like BURN 24-7, that began to stir something inside me, but I was not ready to embrace it.

The rubber really began to meet the road for me when we went through YWAM’s School of Strategic Missions (SOSM). The core of the school is all about your ministry vision. It’s a profound school, especially for a man on the run. The biggest thing that came out of SOSM for me was the realization that God has amazing plans for me and my family, but that I’ve honestly spent so much time trying to work Plan B that I had lost my way – I didn’t really know where I fit.

One year later, I very purposefully began giving God my “yes” every day. It is an imperfect “yes” – there are days that roll along and the “yes” turns into more of a “maybe” or even, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” but for the first time in twenty years, a Kingdom groove is starting to form – the LORD is opening doors and we are walking through them.

I challenge you – and myself – to give God your “yes.” Are we ready? Unlikely. Do we have to know what “yes” looks like? Probably better if we don’t, honestly. Does it have to be perfect? No, but it does have to keep getting better. God already said “yes” to me and to live any other way is to rob ourselves of the vision God has for our lives.

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